There is a lakeside park near my house that features a series of staircases varying in length. These staircases wind their way through a path adorned with hills and trees, leading straight up a steep incline. There are more than 200 steps that ascend that formidable hill. The scenery is breathtaking, and the climb can be deeply fulfilling. However, it also forces you to confront your innermost fears and insecurities.

I have always had a strong passion for exercise. When I go without exercising for an extended period, I become cranky and irritable. Exercise has a calming effect on my mind, as it helps to slow down the constant racing of thoughts. This is particularly significant because even during the most serene moments, it is challenging for my mind to achieve a state of peace.

Yet, the steps are a different type of exercise. They are hard, no that is an understatement. They are so “F….ING” hard! Yea, that’s better.

I ask myself every time before I start going up and down the steps: are they too challenging? Should I do something easier? Am I getting too old or am I going to hurt myself by doing them? For now, the answer is always yes, I can do the steps.

How Hard Should I Push Myself?

Wow, this simple question encompasses so many aspects of one’s personality, including my own. How much is “enough”? I often find myself questioning whether I should push myself to the point of exhaustion by going up and down the stairs repeatedly, or if I should simply do enough to feel accomplished. Am I only considered successful if I surpass the person next to me in terms of repetitions? Should I take breaks after each climb? Why is it that some people can ascend or descend the stairs much faster than I can? Would I perform better if I were thinner? It’s interesting that at the age of 63, I still find myself pondering over these thoughts. When will I finally reach a point where I am satisfied with what I have accomplished? When can I genuinely say that it is enough?

It’s maddening to me that a simple set of stairs can stir up so many insecurities in me. You would think that by now, I would just be grateful that I can climb them. But no, it’s the competitive side in me that keeps pushing me forward. I’m never completely happy with the current situation. That part of my DNA has certainly helped me in many aspects of my life. Unfortunately, it also inhibits me from being content and satisfied with the present. It’s a constant battle.

Revisiting a post I published in May of last year titled, “What Makes Something a Living Thing?”

I wrote about whether inanimate objects, like stones, can be considered alive in some way? This thought frequently crosses my mind as I ascend and descend the steps. The steps are unyielding, yet oddly accommodating. They present a constant challenge, utilizing gravity to test my inner determination to persevere. However, descending the steps is a delightful experience, as if they provide me with a moment to observe and appreciate the sights and smells of the surrounding forest. During those fleeting minutes, they grant me inner tranquility before I embark on the climb once more.

It’s a Love Hate Relationship

I love doing the stairs, especially after completing the workout! It usually takes me about 50 minutes to go up and down the stairs 7 times. There was a time when I used to do 10 cycles of the steps three days a week, but that was a while ago. Now, I usually do it twice a week, and that feels like enough. Do you have any workout routines that you have a love-hate relationship with?

If you click the link below, it will take you to an inspiring story about a woman whose relationship with those “FU…ING” stairs is smiliar to mine.

https://www.ksdk.com/embeds/video/responsive/63-d9788837-8bd1-41ba-b929-46e34f2716b0/iframe