There are so many how to handbooks that can be downloaded in a nanosecond. They range from a plethora of DIY project books to books on cooking and so on and on. I know that there have been hundreds of books written on how to parent but why can’t there be one source that everyone can just turn to that everyone can trust? Good question.

There is one right under your nose but it’s not just in one place. It’s everywhere. To me it’s like weaving a quilt, and the patches of the quilt consists of the entire community that you have been exposed to throughout your lifetime. The real key to being a successful parent is knowing how to use those experiences and decide what examples to copy with your children and just as importantly which ones to ignore.

I don’t have to look any further for an example of this than looking at my own father. My dad was an orphan so he didn’t have any role models on how to parent. He was so good at being a dad when I was a young boy. He was always involved with helping me with my homework and he was always there to volunteer with any extracurricular activity that I decided to pursue. I wanted to do the same things for my kids when they were young and I did.

Unfortunately, as I got older I began to see some traits in my father that I didn’t want to replicate. One in particular was this underlying competition between us that wasn’t a quality I understood at the time. I felt at times abandoned. It put distance between us and I really didn’t come to grips with it until I was in my fifties. When I became a parent I knew that was one quality that I wasn’t going emulate with my kids. In fact, it made me go out of my way to always praise them and always tell them how proud I was that they were my kids since my dad never really told me that until I was an adult. It’s such an easy thing to do but most parents no matter how old their kids are fail to do that enough. It can never be enough. Your kids want to feel secure that their parents will always be in their corner forever.

I observed how my peers parented as my kids grew up and like my dad I used their trials and tribulations to mold my parenting style. I was like a sponge trying to take in all the information that I gathered by watching other parents actions, good and bad. I copied the actions of the people in my life that I respected, admired, and most importantly valued their opinions on difficult subjects. I was never be afraid to ask them for help because I felt that’s what they were there for.

Unfortunately, I also observed that when parents took themselves too seriously it caused undo stress on their kids. Kids have enough things going through their minds as they grow up. They don’t need the added pressure bestowed on them to either making straight A’s or making a select sports team from their parents. Treat your kids with respect and don’t burden them with expectations that may be important to you but not to them. Let them be themselves.

Chapter 1 of My Parenting Handbook:

The first chapter in my parental handbook would only consist of one sentence. It may sound trite but here it is; Give your kids unwavering love. All they really want is to know that you will always be available for them from the day they are born until the day you die. Even though they won’t always agree on what you tell them they will know that you care and that you are present. It’s that simple. Always keep an open mind. If you do that you will be off to a great start composing the only parental handbook you’ll ever need, because the author will be you!