Purpose is a new word to me. I haven’t thought about it or used it as a guide me in my life. Maybe, when you’re raising kids you don’t have time to focus on the purpose of your life. Now being an “empty nester”, I have the time to reflect on the word purpose. I listened to Mark Zuckerberg’s commencement speech he gave at Harvard last week. He talked a lot about purpose. He challenged the students to find purpose in their lives wherever it took them.

Purpose can be divided into two distinct areas, business and personal. The personal side is easy for me. It always starts and ends with my family. I try to be the best I can be for my kids and my wife. It’s not always easy to wade through all of the many pitfalls and mistakes I have made in my life. It’s still try to strive to be that kind of dad and husband.

The purpose of getting up in the morning and going to work is a harder one to decipher. Is it to just make money? Or is it to make the world a better place? Is it to give back to people who aren’t as fortunate as you or is it to be the most successful you can be in your career? I don’t think there is one answer and who I am to judge what the right answer is anyway? For each of us finding purpose in one’s career is vital to one’s overall happiness. What’s your purpose?

One of my best friend’s daughter got married over the weekend. The bride was breathtaking and the groom was confident and poised. It was the first wedding of one of my kid’s friends which opened a new chapter in my life. Our kids and many of their friends will be getting married over the next several years. It struck me two fold. Besides being more aware that I’m getting older, it also means that the separation between the child and the parent is becoming greater. Now don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to be independent, hardworking, self sustaining individuals. However, It doesn’t mean that I have to lke it. In my head I know it’s a good thing, yet my heart is a little sad. I like the role as patriarch. I guess I still am, but with a little less power or control. It’s how life is supposed to be.

The Journey Begins

Every part of one’s life is like crossing a stream by jumping from stone to stone. The path is never even. Sometimes the next step is very short and easy or it can be big and unnerving.

From birth through early childhood the steps are relatively uncomplicated. Especially, since most of us have a loved one to hold our hand along the way. Adolescents slowly begins the journey of independence. It’s a time where we begin to form our own identity. We begin to judge people around us and find a niche in school that makes us feel a little more secure.

Being a Teenager

During the teenage years the steps get further apart and begin to get a little scarier. High school graduation is a big stepping stone of life. We leave the “nest”. There are so many paths from this point forward. No matter what path we take, our judgement of what is right and wrong in the world, with our friends, and more importantly with our parents begins to take shape. We begin to question and are critical of our their lives and their values as well. However, there are no gray areas yet. Everything is “black or white”, good or bad, right or wrong.

Your Twenties and the Loss of Innocence

I have observed through my kids that the step from graduating college to either going on to graduate school or into the working world is not as big of a step as I thought. Even for me, who got married at a very young age leaving school wasn’t very different. There is however, one big change which I call, “the loss of innocence”. Idealism begins to be replaced by realism. The lines between good and bad begin to blur.

Your Thirties a Time to Focus and Mature

The step from your thirties to your fifties spans a large amount of time. It’s a time that most of us have found a mate and we begin to settle down. Our careers are pretty much set. I’m not saying that we are all happy with the path we chose. It’s just a fact of life that we have had to find a way to be self sufficient. We also tend not be as judgmental to people around us who aren’t always honest or who haven’t been faithful in their relationships. We begin to understand that there may be two sides to every story. People who have different views on the world aren’t always evil. They may have a point.

Life is very busy too. Our days are filled with work, kids, sports, hobbies, or other pursuits that fill our time. Time begins to zoom by. We don’t have much time to reflect and enjoy the journey. Don’t worry though, that day is coming.

Your Fifties and Beyond

Depending if you have children the next step is a pretty big one. It’s as big as sleeping over a friend’s house for the first time, to leaving for college, or having your first child. Like any big change in one’s life there is no manual or “how to ” book explaining the next step. Empty nesting allows you to rediscover your significant other. For most couples that’s a good thing, for others not so much. It’s a time to reflect on one’s own life and make sure that the path followed is still satisfying and fun. Meditation, exercise, work, and travel fill my days now instead of kid’s hockey games, helping with homework, or going to dance recitals. I don’t know how long this part of my life will stay copacetic. I hope for awhile because now time is on my side again.

I read something that the Dali Llama said in an article that really made me think. A reporter asked him, “How do you deal with someone who has acted or treated you very poorly?” He said, “It’s easy to forgive your friends, but much harder to forgive your enemies. Those are the one’s who we need to forgive the most.”

Wow what a nice thing to say but what a hard thing to implement. Think about times in your life someone has said or done something harmful to you or to someone you love. It’s so easy to say or do something spiteful in return. It might make us feel better in the moment but ask yourself, “Does it really help the situation to make someone else feel bad?” It helps no one. The world isn’t a better place by you contributing more hate in the atmosphere.

No matter how hard it might be at the time to “hold your tongue” try it the next time someone makes you feel bad or angry. The world will be a better place for it.

Every family has a continuous unseen cycle of life that moves at an uneven rate throughout a person’s lifetime. In the beginning, life tends to move ahead at a snails pace. Adolescents and young adults are always impatient with the speed of change in their lives. I see it with my kids all of the time. At some point that changes for most of us and as we get older the years tend to go by faster and faster. Many people try to slow their lives down without much success. How can we appreciate every day of our life a little more? I don’t have the answer to this age old dilemma but I can suggest a good way to start. Take time to appreciate every attendee at your family’s next birthday party.

Here’s why:

I was at my nephew’s 13th birthday party and I noticed sometbing very different. There were a lot less people around the dinner table. Where was everyone? Unfortunately, some of the relatives have passed away which is understandable as one grows older. That however was not what struck me as different. What had changed was that some of the kids, including my own weren’t there. They had begun to move on to college and the working world to begin their own lives. Our family birthday party celebration had shrunk.

Five or ten years ago did I spend the time to really appreciate all of the family around for someone’s birthday party? Probably not as much as I do today. I suggest that you take the time to enjoy those moments with your family because they will be gone in a flash.

The good news is hopefully my kids or my nieces and nephews eventually will have their own kids. Then our family birthday parties will be bigger than ever again and I’ll appreciate every moment.