Birthdays are an interesting phenomenon. Usually, they are a time for celebration and a good excuse to get together with loved ones for a joyous occasion. Luckily, that is the way it will be for me this coming week, which I never take for granted.

Every year is a mixture of good and not-so-good experiences that move us forward through the journey of life. Those memories are somewhat blurry when we are young. I listen to my kids talk about their childhood, and it appears that they are still too young to be very reflective on their past. Why is that? Is it because they aren’t as nostalgic as their “old man,” or is it that they are spending all of their energy building their own lives now, and they don’t have the time to look back yet?

One thing is for sure: they take getting up in the morning without any aches and pains for granted. I certainly did until recently. The human body is an incredible machine that is constantly repairing itself as we go through the rigors of our daily life. It has become glaringly apparent that as we age, the healing process from injury takes longer and longer. That’s how we all end up dying. The body can’t keep up with the barrage of issues it has to confront. I joke with my wife that we can both count on one hand the number of mornings we wake up with nothing being sore. It’s something you just get used to because you have no choice if you want to stay physically active. It’s a constant battle that gets harder and harder every day. However, the earlier in one’s life you begin to take care of yourself, the easier it will be to stay fit as the years add up. My advice is to not wait to take care of your body. Start doing something about it today!

Certainly, as I have gotten older, I have had more time for reflection. Wow, I have written a lot about time in previous posts! It’s the one thing that is most precious to me, yet it is the most elusive. It has been a struggle my entire life to stay in the present and not be looking ahead for the next best thing. I am aware of how I should be, but my mind likes to race from thing to thing. It’s just how I’m wired. I am so envious when I come across people who appear to be living more in the present. It’s always a goal of mine to mediate more and take a breath more often which helps so much.

There are years, though, in everyone’s life where there are signposts that get your attention. Given what experiences unfolded this past year, it allows me to reflect differently as I am about to turn 62.

There is a term called “eat the frog first,” which means if you have a list of tasks or something to say that is difficult, do it first. So, that’s what I’m going to do; I lost my best friend and my father this past year. For the first 61 years of my life, I had lost very few loved ones. I always knew that eventually really bad things would happen to me, but I never thought they would happen so close together. Reflecting back on going through those experiences has changed me forever. It’s now a little harder to be always positive about life, not impossible, just a little bit harder. I’ve learned that you never get over the loss, but you try to cherish the good times that you shared together and move on because time never stops, and you don’t ever want to stop living because you never know what’s going to be around the corner.

It’s hard to add up all of the good memories over a year and wonder if they compare to the bad experiences that have occurred. Maybe we take the good ones for granted. I hope not. I can tell you that if you ever are lucky enough to have a grandchild, it will reignite your belief in pure goodness and pure joy. Looking at the world through the eyes of a 2-year-old is truly amazing. When is the last time you woke up in the morning and started your day by singing? That’s how our granddaughter starts every day. If that doesn’t give you hope that the world has a chance to be a better place in the future, what will?

For the reasons I explained earlier, this birthday has made me pause and reflect more than usual. At 62, a big part of my life is behind me. That’s not to say that there aren’t many, many great times ahead. I’m so excited for them. Having said that, I just hope that when you read this post, you appreciate everyone around you who loves you. Take a moment and tell someone how lucky you are for them to be part of your life. Hopefully, it will help to continue to move you forward and make every day count because the proverbial clock is always ticking!

Growing up, music wasn’t a part of my life. While many kids turned on the radio or played their favorite records, I only listened to KMOX on the radio in St. Louis and listened to St. Louis Cardinals baseball. That was it. I cannot remember my parents playing music in our home, and I suppose it just wasn’t a priority for them.

In high school, music began to creep into my life through exposure to live performances. In the late 1970s, rock bands were at the pinnacle of their success, and we loved going to see bands like Styx, REO Speedwagon, AC/DC, and Kansas. One of their songs would get stuck in my head, and I would play it over and over again.

In my late 30s, my wife and I got hooked on the Dave Matthews Band. Middle age was upon us, and we started asking ourselves, “What’s next?” or “Is this it?” One particular song called “Tripping Billies” touched a chord deep inside me as I was about to turn 40. It spoke about living in the moment, enjoying life with family and friends, and not sweating the little stuff. I remember hearing the chorus of that song for the first time in person, and it became my favorite part of any of his work. It went like this: “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow you may die.” I listened to that song over and over again until every word was ingrained into my head. It was the repetitions in my mind that I couldn’t get enough.

The only other time a song was so memorable in my life began in a friend’s car. I have a friend in Colorado who knows more about music than anyone I have ever met. Besides being a walking encyclopedia of music, he also plays in a band. We would listen to CDs in his car on our way to go fishing. He would always play a variety of music, from the Grateful Dead to Warren Zevon. He always kind of “dumbed down” the explanations of the songs in a way that allowed me to visualize why a particular song was so special to him. About ten years ago, on the way to fishing, he slipped in a CD and asked if I had ever heard of a Neil Young album called “Neil Young Live at Massey Hall”. While he knew that I liked Neil Young, he was shocked to hear that I had never heard of it. Neil cut this album when he was 24 years old, and it is filled with pieces of some of his greatest songs played for the first time in front of a live audience. The album is a true masterpiece. I don’t think any other Neil Young album has such a wide range of raw, young, innovative music all in one place. It’s sheer genius.

One of the songs on the album was a combination of two of his greatest hits, titled “A Man Needs a Maid/Heart of Gold Suite”. The song tells a story of a man searching for love, maybe finding it, but not knowing exactly how to give it back in return. To this day, I don’t know why I love that song so much. Maybe it’s the title? Certainly there have been times in the past that I have felt chauvinistic. I have tried to rectify that personality flaw which has been a pretty successful work in progress, especially as I have gotten older. After hearing this song for the first time I got home and immediately downloaded it on my phone. Then I would set it on repeat and play it again and again and again.

As I finish writing this post, I realize that throughout my life, certain songs have been signposts. There weren’t many, but wow, were they important. They signaled a new direction in my life, one that was uncharted territory. Who knew that listening to a song in your head repeatedly would be so powerful?

I hope this helps!

There are so many how to handbooks that can be downloaded in a nanosecond. They range from a plethora of DIY project books to books on cooking and so on and on. I know that there have been hundreds of books written on how to parent but why can’t there be one source that everyone can just turn to that everyone can trust? Good question.

There is one right under your nose but it’s not just in one place. It’s everywhere. To me it’s like weaving a quilt, and the patches of the quilt consists of the entire community that you have been exposed to throughout your lifetime. The real key to being a successful parent is knowing how to use those experiences and decide what examples to copy with your children and just as importantly which ones to ignore.

I don’t have to look any further for an example of this than looking at my own father. My dad was an orphan so he didn’t have any role models on how to parent. He was so good at being a dad when I was a young boy. He was always involved with helping me with my homework and he was always there to volunteer with any extracurricular activity that I decided to pursue. I wanted to do the same things for my kids when they were young and I did.

Unfortunately, as I got older I began to see some traits in my father that I didn’t want to replicate. One in particular was this underlying competition between us that wasn’t a quality I understood at the time. I felt at times abandoned. It put distance between us and I really didn’t come to grips with it until I was in my fifties. When I became a parent I knew that was one quality that I wasn’t going emulate with my kids. In fact, it made me go out of my way to always praise them and always tell them how proud I was that they were my kids since my dad never really told me that until I was an adult. It’s such an easy thing to do but most parents no matter how old their kids are fail to do that enough. It can never be enough. Your kids want to feel secure that their parents will always be in their corner forever.

I observed how my peers parented as my kids grew up and like my dad I used their trials and tribulations to mold my parenting style. I was like a sponge trying to take in all the information that I gathered by watching other parents actions, good and bad. I copied the actions of the people in my life that I respected, admired, and most importantly valued their opinions on difficult subjects. I was never be afraid to ask them for help because I felt that’s what they were there for.

Unfortunately, I also observed that when parents took themselves too seriously it caused undo stress on their kids. Kids have enough things going through their minds as they grow up. They don’t need the added pressure bestowed on them to either making straight A’s or making a select sports team from their parents. Treat your kids with respect and don’t burden them with expectations that may be important to you but not to them. Let them be themselves.

Chapter 1 of My Parenting Handbook:

The first chapter in my parental handbook would only consist of one sentence. It may sound trite but here it is; Give your kids unwavering love. All they really want is to know that you will always be available for them from the day they are born until the day you die. Even though they won’t always agree on what you tell them they will know that you care and that you are present. It’s that simple. Always keep an open mind. If you do that you will be off to a great start composing the only parental handbook you’ll ever need, because the author will be you!

I love idealism. Idealistic people tend to be positive and I love to be around their positive energy. One of the best qualities of youngsters is the unabashed idealism that exudes from their veins. Some want to work to make the world a better place, while others want to improve the lives of their loved ones. For the fortunate ones the “real world” has not yet crept into their daily life.

Slowly but surely as we grow older it’s inevitable that the idea of living a pure idealistic life begins to fade. Why is this and how do we keep some of those idealistic qualities from fading from our lives completely?

First let’s define what I mean by the “real world”. This means different things to everyone. To me the real world was the time that I had to start taking responsibility for myself both emotionally and financially. I couldn’t rely my parents for taking care of me anymore. I can remember living in my apartment with at the time my fiancé and saying to myself, “Wow this living on my own thing is going to be a lot harder than I thought.” I began to have to make decisions on things that didn’t support my idealistic view of the world. I can remember like it was yesterday when I came to the realization that the world wasn’t always going to treat me fairly and some of my idealistic tendencies would have to be compromised to reach my personal goals. That was a real sobering moment. It was like childhood was over and adulthood began.

Ok enough of the depressing side of the conversation. I didn’t say that I had to throw out all of my idealistic views of the world because I was now an adult. I was 23 years old and when I looked around the room at my fellow workers who were all older than myself I saw in there actions that whatever idealism that had in their lives vanished. I wanted to be different. No, in fact if I could just keep a part of that positive idealistic side of me alive I thought it might give me a leg up on my peers and it could help me achieve my personal professional goals. And you know what? It did!

Idealism is one of the qualities that make human’s special. Empathy for our fellow man puts purpose in one’s life when the everyday monotony of it can get overwhelming. As I have gotten older I have become a lot less judgmental on other people’s lives and opinions. You never know what is going on in someone’s life behind closed doors. Accept that the decisions that you have to make will not always have a black and white answer. Most of them will be “gray”. That doesn’t mean that you still can’t be an idealistic person. You just have to be more selective on which idealistic values carry the most weight. In other words, which are you the most passionate about? Once you’ve defined them then find a way to fold them into your weekly or at worst your monthly schedule. There are many ways to do this. Just find the path of least resistance that gives you the most fulfillment. I assure you it will keep you more grounded and make you feel that you are still trying to make our planet a better place to live.

Three years ago I posted a blog about friends and friendships. The gist of the post was to never take them for granted. Fast forward three years to the present and friends and friendships are on my mind again.

Why are we friends with some people and not others?  To me it’s simple but to some people it’s not that evident.  So here is my “two cents worth” on what makes a good friend.

10 Ingredients Needed to Have a Best Friend

1. They have to be the same sex as you.
2. They have to have the same interests as you.
3. You have to be able to see each other in person often.
4. Both of you are willing to put in the time to be always present in each other’s lives.
5. They have to be able to be a good listener and be insightful on things that are going on in your life.
6. They have to be a positive person.
7. They do not judge you on what is going on your life presently. 
8. They can keep a secret and thus you can can tell them anything. 
9. They have to have pretty much the same values as yours.
10. They make you laugh.

Now do this exercise. List all of the people in your life who you consider a friend and see how many of these “boxes you can check” for each of them. I bet the your closest friend you have checks the most or all of the boxes.

Recently, I lost my best friend who checked all of the boxes. That has put a big hole in my life. I probably will never have another friend in my life where all of the boxes are checked. I’m working on trying to elevate my existing friendships to a higher level but it’s very hard to do. You just can’t force it.

If you are lucky enough to have a friend that checks all of the boxes savior that relationship with all of your heart and soul because those relationships are few and far between in one’s life. Appreciate everyday with that friend and make sure they know how much you appreciate their place in your life.

I decided with some urging from my eldest son to start writing my thoughts on my Big Daddy Blog site again.  It’s been three years since I last posted something and I’m excited to begin doing it again.  

Recently, I watched the Friends Reunion Show.  The five main characters have not been in the same room together for over 17 years.  As I watched it I began to yearn for those times again when the show was in prime time from 1994 till 2004.  Why was that?  Why as I watched the tv show there were a couple of times that I got teary eyed? Now I wasn’t an avid Friends watcher and never set my weekly schedule around watching the show.  So why did it get me so emotionally revved up? The simple answer is that it was a nostalgic time for me. 

The Oxford dictionary defines the word nostalgia like this,

Nostalgia: A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.affects people in different ways.  

Everyone thinks of nostalgic memories but some think of them more than others.  Some of us only look forward for various reasons.  The past might be too painful or maybe some only look ahead to tackle the next challenge or chapter in their lives. 

Most of us believe our past nostalgically, like it was in  “the good ole days”. As we get older we tend to believe that things were better in the past.  I hear people say things like, “things were so much simpler back then, or the world was a better place when I was younger, or even I wish the world was like it was when I was growing up.”  Every generation believes that the younger generation is at times on the wrong path. I remember my grandparents saying it, my parents saying it, and sometimes I catch myself saying it too.  

I think it’s a fool’s game believing that the past was better than the world today and also mistakenly believing that the human race’s best days are behind us.  When we look back nostalgically we forget about all of the wars, prejudice, hatred, and trauma that occurred as we grew up. Things back then were no “walk in the park”.  We are called the human race for a reason.  We are human and like any other animal we evolve most of the time in a positive way.  That is how we survive.  Life expectancy in the world has increased over the last ten years.  Medical treatment for cancer and heart disease is allowing people to live longer.  People are able to communicate with loved ones who live across the country or around the world easier and less costly than anytime ever.  The number of people who don’t have enough food to eat around the world is the lowest number ever.  

Are there many problems in the world today?  No shit there are problems, but that is nothing new.  Just in my lifetime there was the Vietnamese war, then the Cold War, multiple wars in the Middle East, Watergate,  AIDS,  and gencocide in Serbia.  I can go on and on and on.  Through all of that the human spirit pushes forward.  What is the point of only living in the past?  I would rather be dead.  Nostalgia can’t replace streaming your favorite show on your iPad or laptop with your partner on a lounge chair under the stars, or FaceTiming with a child or grandchild living halfway across the world.  You couldn’t do those things when I was a growing up.  

Appreciate all of the wonderful things the world has to give us today.  It is such a waste of time only looking in the rear view mirror when there is something good happening right in front of your eyes today.

As fall approaches in the Midwest it’s always been a time for mixed emotions for me. On the one hand it’s a beautiful time of year. The leaves are beginning to change the air is crisp and the sky is so blue. I love taking my convertible out for a spin and enjoy a leisurely drive on the open road.

However, it’s also a time where the hours of sunlight get shorter and I know it’s the season where I have trouble staying upbeat because of the lack of sunshine. Seasonal depression is real for me but I have tried to engage in activities like spending time in my greenhouse.

Enough about that subject because I want to dive into what I meant by the title of this post, Back to the Past.  Fall is the time that the high holidays in the Jewish religion arrive. Now I don’t think of myself as as a very religious person. Yes I had a  Bar Mitzvah but I never go to Friday night services or any other kind of services except going to temple twice a year.  My parents always forced me to go to services with them when I was a kid.  The first thing I always did when I sat down in temple was to flip to the back of the prayer book to see how many pages remained until we were finished. That’s not the case anymore. Over the past decade I have enjoyed going more and more with my mom and her husband. In fact, as I approach 60 I love going more than I ever have.

Why would that be?  I have asked myself that question many times over the past several weeks and I think I know the answer.  It’s a wanting to hold onto the past so I can slow down the passage of time. I love the past as much as I love my life today. It’s just part of my DNA. My closet friends are from high school, I married my high school sweetheart, I live in the same city I grew up, and I have been working at the same job since I graduated college.  I love all of those things and I wouldn’t change any of them for anything. Our society today is always running from thing to thing, always looking for something better where happiness and contentment might be just staying put. Values like family, friends, commitment, and loyalty appear to me not as important as they have been in the past. Wow that sounds like something my parents would of said when I was a kid. I really am getting older! Those qualities are central in the Jewish religion. It’s the traditions like getting together to break the fast, having Seder dinner together, or going to temple together as a family are the times that I really miss my kids.  I savor the time I spend with my mom so much because I know eventually she won’t be here forever. These are memories that I am creating today so I be able to look back on with a warm heart. I guess looking back  to the past is not so bad after all.