A friend of mine the other day asked me, “Can we as parents teach our kids to have the drive to succeed?” I told him that was a good question and then went on to give him my answer. Here it is in a nutshell.

2016 began my 33rd year in the working world. I have seen many people come and go who have worked around me over a third of a century. I have mentored, encouraged, trained, and unforuntaley fired some co-workers over the years. Some of my protégées have gone on to have great success. Early in my career I thought I had the ability to choose which job candidates would achieve superstar status. With my experience I thought, I could give them the tools to be leaders in my industry. Alas, I was mistaken because the one key ingredient I can’t teach is drive. You either have it or you don’t.

Drive to me is that internal engine in some of us that never stops. It’s the ticking clock that keeps moving some individuals ever forward at a frenetic pace. It’s unusual to cross paths with people who are exceedingly driven. When I do though I can tell right away. They have a look in their eyes that is unmistakable.

Parents as a rule obviously want their kids to be happy successful adults. However, in a more and more competitive landscape we tend to push our kids to be the best they can be every waking moment of the day. It can get very frustrating when their kids don’t go “the extra mile” to complete a homework assignment, an art project, or their resume.

Fortunately or unfortunately our kids are no different than other people that we come across daily. Some of them are really driven and some of them just aren’t. It doesn’t make them bad people or failures they just don’t have it in them to be very driven to succeed. Once the parent accepts their kids for who they are and understand that each of them will have to travel down their own path to adulthood, the sooner they will have a more fulfilling and enjoyable the relationship with each of their children.

Just remember one thing, you can’t teach them the drive to succeed.

All of my kids were home for the weekend. Every bedroom was filled like it was if they were all back in high school and middle school. Since I’m very nostalgic I loved every minute of it! At times it was like life had never changed. I got up Saturday morning, woke both of my boys and went to play hockey. It was so much fun. Most meals we ate together and talked about what was going on in each of our lives. They at times subliminally show their independence from Joy and I in various ways. A couple of examples are, my oldest likes to remind me that I’m not always right even though I say something with great conviction. My daughter always reminds me how I am so not “tech savvy”. I think these comments are just a way to show that they are now old enough to see that their parents are just like other people who aren’t right all of the time. I’m ok with that. It’s just the natural progression of the relationship between parents and kids. Even though they are now on very different paths and they like to show off their new found autonomy our kids are still our kids. They still need us for advice, they still need us for support, and most importantly they need us still for unconditional love. That’s the nicest part indeed.

I have known Phil for about 6 years. We always tend to fish the same river the South Platte. Local anglers call it the “dream stream” because of the size of the fish the river holds.  Phil is now around 30 years old and 7 years ago he decided to give up his dream of being a NHL goaltender and devote all of his effort  to become a world class fishing guide.  In my eyes he is well on his way.  Now, I have fished with many guides over the years but no one has the ability to see the fish in the water like Phil which enables me to catch big fish when everyone else fishing around us is catching zilch.  Here is a link to Phil’s fishing site. Take a look at the size of the fish that he has helped people catch.  It’s always a treat fishing with Phil.