Author Archives: Rmillner

Life Lessons

BACK TO THE PAST

As fall approaches in the Midwest it’s always been a time for mixed emotions for me. On the one hand it’s a beautiful time of year. The leaves are beginning to change the air is crisp and the sky is so blue. I love taking my convertible out for a spin and enjoy a leisurely drive on the open road.

However, it’s also a time where the hours of sunlight get shorter and I know it’s the season where I have trouble staying upbeat because of the lack of sunshine. Seasonal depression is real for me but I have tried to engage in activities like spending time in my greenhouse.


Enough about that subject because I want to dive into what I meant by the title of this post, Back to the Past.  Fall is the time that the high holidays in the Jewish religion arrive. Now I don’t think of myself as as a very religious person. Yes I had a  Bar Mitzvah but I never go to Friday night services or any other kind of services except going to temple twice a year.  My parents always forced me to go to services with them when I was a kid.  The first thing I always did when I sat down in temple was to flip to the back of the prayer book to see how many pages remained until we were finished. That’s not the case anymore. Over the past decade I have enjoyed going more and more with my mom and her husband. In fact, as I approach 60 I love going more than I ever have.

Why would that be?  I have asked myself that question many times over the past several weeks and I think I know the answer.  It’s a wanting to hold onto the past so I can slow down the passage of time. I love the past as much as I love my life today. It’s just part of my DNA. My closet friends are from high school, I married my high school sweetheart, I live in the same city I grew up, and I have been working at the same job since I graduated college.  I love all of those things and I wouldn’t change any of them for anything. Our society today is always running from thing to thing, always looking for something better where happiness and contentment might be just staying put. Values like family, friends, commitment, and loyalty appear to me not as important as they have been in the past. Wow that sounds like something my parents would of said when I was a kid. I really am getting older! Those qualities are central in the Jewish religion. It’s the traditions like getting together to break the fast, having Seder dinner together, or going to temple together as a family are the times that I really miss my kids.  I savor the time I spend with my mom so much because I know eventually she won’t be here forever. These are memories that I am creating today so I be able to look back on with a warm heart. I guess looking back  to the past is not so bad after all.

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Uncategorized

10 SECRETS OF HAVING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER

  1. Listen more and talk less.
  2. Find other interests besides work. Work should only be part of your life. It shouldn’t dictate it.
  3. Understand there will be bad times at work as well as in life but they will pass. Most jobs are cyclical. Hopefully, you feel there are more good times than bad. If not find something else to do.
  4. Go out of your way to be nice to people. Especially people who are your subordinates. The nicer you are to those people the more things you get in return. Make sure people you work with know how much you appreciate their hard work. I tell my staff everyday as I leave thank you for all they do. You want them to feel special.
  5. Never burn a bridge. Because you never know when that person might be back in your life.
  6. Reward yourself when you succeed. Life is hard enough not to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Go to dinner, buy a new outfit, just do something special and fun for yourself.
  7. Try to keep the big picture in mind when your life gets tough and be patient.
  8. Be humble
  9. There is no easy way to success. It takes hard work.
  10. Your reputation in life is precious. Always protect it. Don’t throw it away over something foolish.
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Life Lessons, People

THE EVER CHANGING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A FATHER AND HIS DAUGHTER

Is there anything more beautiful than a close relationship between a father and his daughter? I have been fortunate to have this with my daughter for over 25 years. Now don’t get me wrong I have a great relationship with my boys too, but I think fathers and daughters have a unique bond. Like everything else in life, which I have written about in the past things are always changing. My daughter has grown up. We are still close but in a different way because there’s now another male figure in her life. It’s how life is supposed to be. I have had kind of a tough time with the transition. I have never seen her happier yet it makes me a little sad that I’m not the center of her life anymore. By the way, I like being the center of all of my family’s lives and even though I know it’s not realistic, especially as everyone grows and matures. Periodically, I have said things to my daughter about her new relationship that didn’t make her feel good. The last time we were together she told me in no uncertain terms that I better change my attitude or it will create a rift between us. I got the message. I have nothing against her significant other. On the contrary, I think they are a perfect fit and they are in love. It has just taken me some time to get my head around it. If you don’t have a daughter it’s hard to explain. I know we are always going to be close. It’s just s the way it’s always been. I’m looking forward to a new chapter in our relationship even though I really don’t know what it is going to look like.

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Uncategorized

THINGS ARE ALWAYS CHANGING

I’m not a very religious person. However, twice a year I go to high holiday services at my local synagogue. My family has been a member since I was 13 years old.. As I have gotten older I enjoy going more and more. I like going with my mom and my step dad and being assured of seeing the retired rabbi who resided over my bar mitzvah 43 years ago! It’s nice knowing some things don’t change. But wait, this year there were tons of changes. I didn’t mind that the sanctuary got a multi-million dollar face lift or the organ was replaced by a 4 piece band and an expanded choir. What was at first disturbing was the new prayer books that guided the congregants through the service. The prayer book had many different prayers and so many of the traditional readings vanished. The powers to be wanted to modernize the service to make it more relevant. How dare they! It has always been comforting to know that something’s don’t change. Alas, even something like high holiday services that have been conducted for over 5000 years has succumbed to modernization. I guess it’s just the way life goes. When the service concluded I kissed my mom and wished her a happy new year like I have for as long as I can remember. It was as enjoyable and comforting as it was the previous year even though the experience reminded me that things are always changing.

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Nature

THE DELPHINIUM AND THE BEE

Several delphiniums bloomed recently outside our house. They are one of my favorite mountain flowers because of their intricate blooms. Each bloom has it’s own pocket of pollen waiting to be sucked up and carried away by a hungry bee. Unlike other flowers like the daisy which have a single bloom that is easily accessible for the bee, the delphinium is another matter. I watched a bee systematically start at the bottom of one of the stalks and dive into each bloom one by one. Since the blooms are so deep the bee vanishes each time once inside the flower. All I could see see was the flower shaking from the outside. Once the pollen is accumulated the bee then moved up to the next one and started the process all over again until all of the blooms were visited. It was quite a site!

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Life Lessons

GET BACK ON THAT BIKE

I fell riding my bike last week. It wasn’t a serious fall. I was barely moving. My feet were clipped into my pedals and I just fell over and skinned my knee. No big deal right?

I thought nothing of my fall until I got back on my bike a couple of days later. I fumlbed with the clips and the pedals throughout the first part of the ride. The fall on some level frightened me. Should I just ride without clips from now on and be safer? My pedal stroke wouldn’t be as powerful and efficient and I wouldn’t be able to go up hills as easy. However, I would never fall over again while standing still. I could take the easy way out. Never…. I put my feet back in those clips and by the end of my ride it was second nature to me again.

There are many people who I have observed throughout my life take the easy way out after an attempt at something that ended in failure. Fear of failing is a real emotion that inhibits some people from achieving their full potential. I don’t want to be one of those. Failure helps us grow internally. It gives us a memory that one can build upon the next time adversity “hits you in the face”. It makes us stronger. I don’t know how many times someone has told me that I can’t do something. Many of those instances it scared me to death to try something new. Sometimes I failed again and again and again. Sometimes it would of been smarter to take the safe road. But, what fun is that?

So get back on that bike!

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People

LOSING THE ELUSIVE 10LBS

I went to my doctor earlier this week for my annual physical. It was a typical exam. I peed in a cup, he did an EKG, he checked my blood pressure, and he listened to my heartbeat. They were all healthy and normal thankfully.

Then the doctor told me to get on the scale and I weighed 205. It was 5 pounds lower than I had weighed last year, and exactly the same weight I had been 8 years earlier. It made me pretty happy until I sat down in his office. He wanted me closer to 195. Why you may ask? He just felt given my height it would be a better weight.

Throughout my life I have been told by different people starting with my parents that if I lost that elusuve last 10 pounds I would be the ideal weight. It’s especially hard as an adolescent to feel fat or “not right” in your parent’s eyes. I know they think they are saying it out of love but, take it from me, it doesn’t come across that way when your a teenager. Those formative years are important for a child to develop a level of positive self esteem. The less said about a child’s looks, weight, or height the better. I have been guilty at times with my own kids saying too much about those qualities. It’s destructive. I’m a great example on how it affects a person even at 55 years of age. It still bothers me today.

There are plenty of people in the world who suffer from low self-esteem issues caused by how their parents talked about them when they were very young. If you’re one of the victims and have kids today or in the future, break the mold. Don’t do it! When your kids are adults they will thank you for it.

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Life Lessons, People

PURPOSE

Purpose is a new word to me. I haven’t thought about it or used it as a guide me in my life. Maybe, when you’re raising kids you don’t have time to focus on the purpose of your life. Now being an “empty nester”, I have the time to reflect on the word purpose. I listened to Mark Zuckerberg’s commencement speech he gave at Harvard last week. He talked a lot about purpose. He challenged the students to find purpose in their lives wherever it took them.

Purpose can be divided into two distinct areas, business and personal. The personal side is easy for me. It always starts and ends with my family. I try to be the best I can be for my kids and my wife. It’s not always easy to wade through all of the many pitfalls and mistakes I have made in my life. It’s still try to strive to be that kind of dad and husband.

The purpose of getting up in the morning and going to work is a harder one to decipher. Is it to just make money? Or is it to make the world a better place? Is it to give back to people who aren’t as fortunate as you or is it to be the most successful you can be in your career? I don’t think there is one answer and who I am to judge what the right answer is anyway? For each of us finding purpose in one’s career is vital to one’s overall happiness. What’s your purpose?

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Life Lessons, Nature

WHEN LESS IS MORE

I love gardening. It’s one of my favorite things to do. When I was younger I always wanted to continually add more and more flowers and shrubs to my yard. I could never get enough. It was like a drug. Until one day, I looked around and saw it was so cluttered. The beauty of the plants were hidden by their sheer number. So, I decided to begin to subtract things from my garden. The beauty and simplicity of the shapes and simple lines of the design just “popped” in front of my eyes. It was aesthetically pleasing as well as beautiful.

It’s the same in life too. When we are young it’s very easy to want to accumulate and accumulate more stuff. It becomes hard to see the beauty in any of it. As one peels away all of the excess and keeps the things that truly matter the beauty and a sense of tranquility unfolds!

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Life Lessons, People

A WEDDING WEEKEND

One of my best friend’s daughter got married over the weekend. The bride was breathtaking and the groom was confident and poised. It was the first wedding of one of my kid’s friends which opened a new chapter in my life. Our kids and many of their friends will be getting married over the next several years. It struck me two fold. Besides being more aware that I’m getting older, it also means that the separation between the child and the parent is becoming greater. Now don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to be independent, hardworking, self sustaining individuals. However, It doesn’t mean that I have to lke it. In my head I know it’s a good thing, yet my heart is a little sad. I like the role as patriarch. I guess I still am, but with a little less power or control. It’s how life is supposed to be.

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