Author Archives: Rmillner

Life Lessons

Parents

In one of my favorite Disney movies, The Lion King, the story illustrates the “changing of the guard.” In other words, it portrays the moment when one generation must let go and allow the next generation of parents to take over. The film’s most popular song, titled “The Circle of Life,” resonates with me deeply when discussing parenthood. It prompts reflection on our own journeys in life and the roles parents play in them. While there are countless relationships intertwined in our lives, I believe the parent-child relationship is the most significant and fluid, especially when your kids are all grown up and living their own lives.

I took for granted that I grew up in a house with two parents living under the same roof. Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, and that doesn’t even account for single households where the parents were never married, more than half of the kids in America grow up in single-parent families. This situation can be quite burdensome, especially considering that the single parent has to work, manage all household chores, and strive to be present in their children’s lives. It was hard enough with two parents; I can’t imagine handling all of that alone. Nevertheless, kids are incredibly resilient, and most of them figure out the dynamics of their relationships with their parents and move forward. They have no choice.

I find myself rambling a bit because when I think of the word “parent,” I could write about it forever. My desire to write on this topic comes from various angles. The most obvious one is that I have now been a parent for more than half of my life. That fact is unfathomable to me, yet it’s true. I feel fortunate to still have a parent living, which adds a whole new layer of meaning to the word “parent.”

This brings me back to the idea of the Circle of Life. My mom is 84, and now I’m in the position of parenting and helping taking care of her instead of her taking care of me. She is still lucid but requires guidance and a different kind of parenting that I’m not used to providing. It’s still a work in progress.

The parenting journey consists of many phases. It begins with feeling completely unprepared and fearing that you might cause permanent damage to your child if you make a mistake. Many new parents believe this is the hardest phase and that things will get easier as their kids grow older. “Ha”—that’s a misconception! The time commitment and the challenges that confront a parent become more complex as children age. Their actions begin to carry significant consequences, especially as they enter middle school and beyond. Everything keeps getting more serious.

On the brighter side, the triumphs and joys also grow larger and more fulfilling. This positive aspect often goes unmentioned to new parents, as most of them are simply trying to keep their heads above water. Just be patient the good times just get better and better!

I have previously written about the qualities needed to be a great parent, so I won’t spend much time on that topic here. Just as a quick refresher: be present, show support, and give unconditional love. However, what I haven’t addressed is the transition from being in charge of your children to treating your adult kids as individuals with their own lives, separate from your own.

It’s challenging to let go and refrain from commenting when observing your kids’ adult lives. I often feel the urge to share my opinions on various issues, convinced that I have the right answers. But I remind myself that they are now grown “ass” adults who make their own decisions, whether good or bad.

I believe it’s harder today for older parents to hold their tongues because electronics and technology keep us more connected to our adult children more than ever before. It’s so easy to text, call, or track their whereabouts now compared to just ten years ago. No wonder we, as parents, often think our kids want us to influence the direction of their lives much more than they actually do. Ultimately, they are adults and don’t need a senior citizen offering unsolicited advice on every subject.

I continue to try to bridge the gap from being a parent to becoming more of a peer, where my kids can give me advice and I can take theirs. What a novel idea that is! The roles are now slowly reversing, and I’m sure this shift will accelerate, just as it has between my mom and myself. The circle of life will be complete when I’m no longer on this earth, and my kids eventually have to navigate the relationships with their own adult children. I hope to be around to catch a glimpse of that because it will surely be great theater. What comes around goes around!

No matter what kind of upbringing a child has, thoughts and memories of their parents leave an indelible mark on their life. The only exception might be a child who has no parents at all, a child orphaned for one reason or another. What a hard road that must be! In fact, I can’t think of a harder one. I know something about that; my dad was an orphan.
Looking back now, I realize I should have given him a little more slack when I questioned some of the things he said to me as I was becoming an adult. I understand now that he was doing the best he could with limited guidance and information. If he were alive today, I would tell him that I forgive him for his shortcomings and that I think he did an amazing job, given what he had to deal with as a child.


Thanks, Dad. I love you so much.

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People

A Simple Pleasure in Life: The Perfect Toilet

What are the qualities of a perfect toilet? Good question—it’s definitely in the eyes of the beholder. What are the biggest factors that determine one’s favorite toilet? Is it an age thing, a comfort thing, or do a number of factors matter to most people?

Before I dwell on this most important subject let me give you a little history of the flush toilet. According to an article published by the British Association of Urological Surgeons they write, “It is a widely-held belief that Thomas Crapper designed the first flush toilet in the 1860s. It was actually 300 years earlier, during the 16th century, that Europe discovered modern sanitation. The credit for inventing the flush toilet goes to Sir John Harrington, godson of Elizabeth I, who invented a water closet with a raised cistern and a small downpipe through which water ran to flush the waste in 1592. He built one for himself and one for his godmother; sadly, his invention was ignored for almost 200 years: it was was not until 1775 that Alexander Cummings, a watchmaker, developed the S-shaped pipe under the toilet basin to keep out the foul odours.” Thanks so much Sir Harrington!

Enough of the history lesson; that’s not the purpose of this post. What makes a “perfect toilet”? I have never polled my friends on the subject, but when you bring it up, I find that people have some pretty interesting opinions on it.

To Be Rinsed or Not to Be Rinsed?

Last year, our family took a trip to Japan, which was truly incredible. The people were so polite, and the cities were so clean you could eat off the streets. Even their toilets were pristine. The one common thread there was that virtually all of their toilets had a “rinse and fan dry” feature before flushing. It was pretty interesting because I wasn’t used to that sensation, having been just a “wiper” for over 60 years. I bet you’ve heard the saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Well, that’s how I felt about the Toto toilet! It just wasn’t my “jam.” In fact, in our hotel, you could choose to skip the “rinse and fan dry” feature, which I opted to do. However, I can understand why so many people like it because it seems less barbaric than the old fashioned way.

Fast forward to my humble abode at home where we now have 3 different types of toilets. Each of them have some unique qualities that cover the full spectrum of commodes.

The Chic One:

Five years ago, we decided to give our kitchen and guest bathroom a “facelift.” Our tastes lean toward the contemporary side, so our decorator provided us with some choices for the guest bathroom. The first time I used the chic new design, I noticed that the seat was rather narrow and not very comfortable. It was also a bit too high for me, and it has two flush settings depending on how much water you need to use. Both settings use significantly less water, which helps the environment. However, unfortunately, that could be a big problem. The water flow after I flushed—let’s just say it isn’t adequate. It’s not just a “one and done” power flush cycle; I had to flush it at least once or twice more. How annoying is that?

The Toto Toilet:

What an amazing invention, the Toto toilet. It’s comfortable, it’s got a heated seat, it’s got several different rinse cycles it’s amazing. Like I said before I just can’t get my head around the whole rinse thing. There is just something about it that makes me feel a little violated. It’s not my favorite.

The Basement Toilet:

We have a basement bathroom that, aside from new paint and a new light fixture, has not been changed in 25 years. The brand of this toilet is American Standard. American Standard originated in 1929 and has gone through various stages of change. Through all of that though, they are still one of the largest sellers of toilets in the country. We have their standard toilet in our very unassuming yet comfortable basement bathroom. Since it is 25 years old, it has no water flow restrictions, making it a one-flush wonder! It’s the perfect height from the floor, and the seat is wide and comfortable. That’s my winner!

The simple things in life have become more important to me as I’ve grown older. I don’t know if I’m trying to hold on to the past or if I’m just too stubborn to accept change. Either way, I do know how much everyone likes their own special toilet for various reasons. So next time you’re at a party and need an icebreaker to start a conversation with someone, I bet asking about their toilet preferences will be a good way to start!

Cheers!

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Nature

A Gardener’s Secret Spot

In every garden, there are spots that every visitor notices. It’s like the main attraction at a circus or the most popular ride at a theme park. Everyone wants to see it and experience it. It’s the star of the show. This area of my garden is filled with a variety of annuals, but mostly perennials that burst with various shades of color throughout the summer. First, there are the beautiful purple globes of the allium and the amsonia, or storm cloud blue star, producing hundreds of small, star-like blue flowers that appear as if you are looking at a pillow of blue cotton. Then, as they fade, delicate white flowers of the penstemon shoot up in the same area, and the common yellow yarrow bursts forth with little handfuls of bright yellow blossoms. Finally, the “big boys” strut their stuff: daisies, fireweed, various coneflowers, and coreopsis fill the bed, and pink and red sun impatiens give the area its final touch.

However, that is not my favorite spot in my garden. It’s my secret spot where things grow that people rarely see. It’s a place of serenity that is inconspicuous yet perfectly balanced. My quest for mindfulness and calm is an ongoing journey for me that is often out of my reach. The main flower beds in my yard aren’t places of tranquility and peace; they are full of color and action, just like my mind most of the time. It’s the secret spot that reminds me to breathe and give myself time to sit and do nothing.

The secret spot is in the far corner of my yard, shaded by a large white oak and a sweet gum tree, both over 80 feet high. Beneath their canopy grow some of my favorite plants that only show their true colors for a short time. The first to bloom are several perennials in the hellebore family called the Lenten rose. Their blooms are subtle yet distinctive. Then, my favorite flowering shrub begins its brief debut in mid-April: the peony. I have five different types of peonies that have large, saucer-like blooms the size of a baseball glove. The colors are incredible, ranging from peach to pink to dark red. They’re just amazing.

One of my peonies

Then finally in the middle of May the bottle brush tree blooms these huge white columns of flowers that last through the end of June. They’re so unique.

Hopefully there is a secret spot in your life that you can rely on for some tranquility and peace. It can be anywhere not just in a garden. Just find it and cherish it. We all need that in our frenetically paced lives. Cheers!

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People

My Pet Peeves

I have written so many “heavy posts” that I decided to write a “lighter” one on a subject I have been thinking about for quite some time. As you younger folks will see, things that bothered you in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s—especially when you become a senior—get under your skin a little bit more. Fortunately, at 63, I can complain about them more because I really don’t care what people think. Just ask my family!

So here is a list my top 10 pet peeves:

  1. Wasting good food at home and having to throw it out. Hate it so much.
  2. My car telling me every time I turn it on that I need service or an oil change and not being able to turn the message off.
  3. Soup that isn’t hot. Warm isn’t good enough anymore.
  4. Waiting in line forever to get something to eat at a Blues hockey game.
  5. Playing behind slow golfers and then not letting us “play through”.
  6. Not being able to wash my hands after I workout at a gym.
  7. Every time I pickup food to go or buy food at a sporting event, they ask for a tip on the screen before I complete the transaction. When did that become a thing?
  8. The cost of taking my dogs to the vet. I always feel that I’m getting “bent over” when I walk in their office.
  9. My car’s automatic braking system when it stops me while I’m backing out of my garage going less than one mile an hour.
  10. Drug ads on tv. They drive me crazy. How are they even legal?

That’s my list. I hope some of them resonate with you or make you chuckle. Because we all need some levity in the crazy world we live in today..

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Life Lessons

A Frame of Reference

I have written a lot in the past about how mentors, both older and younger, have given great examples of how I can improve as a person through life’s journey. One aspect, though, that they didn’t help much with at all was giving me frames of reference to keep me grounded through different aspects of my life. Wow, would that have been helpful! That is not to say that even today, trying to take a breath and hit the “pause button” to put my life’s trials and tribulations in the context of some frame of reference wouldn’t give me a better understanding of inner peace. Pretty deep, huh? Let me explain why I think using frames of reference is an important tool on the road to a zen like life.

Throughout my adult life, I’ve always compared myself to other people, and I’m not proud of that quality, but it’s something I have dealt with for many decades. I never really compared myself to others when I was in school; I did just fine. However, after graduating, there were two areas where I felt the heat of competition. They are in the areas of my career and my family life.

I’ve only had one job out of college—being a financial advisor. After the first year of training, I never had a guaranteed salary; my compensation was based on the revenue I generated. Every month, I would start from scratch. I’ll never forget that every morning when I came to the office, everybody’s monthly income was listed in order based on who did the most. It was pretty cutthroat, but it certainly gave me the impetus to try to be at the top of the list.

I had no frame of reference for what was exceptional, but I do remember a guy in my office named Greg, who beat me every time. It didn’t matter that I beat most everybody else; it was Greg who was just better. The firm never provided a frame of reference for where you stood compared to others your age or those with the same experience. That sure would have been helpful, as I probably wouldn’t have been so obsessed with beating Greg.

More importantly, a frame of reference on happiness and contentment in my persona life would have even been more helpful than worrying so much about my career.

Getting married at 23 and starting a life with the person you love at such a young age gave me much more motivation to be responsible for setting the groundwork for a successful marriage and hopefully a family. My parents got divorced the same year I got married, so they never provided me with a frame of reference for what a successful marriage looked like. I would observe my friends’ relationships and try to compare my relationship to theirs. Luckily, my closest friends had some very good relationships. In fact, 40 years from the day I said “I do,” all of my closest friends are still married to their first wives. Pretty incredible! I’m so proud of my relationship and theirs as well. They have provided me with valuable frames of reference in their relationships. They have been a great resource, and as I have gotten older, I no longer take that for granted.

Having adult children and dealing with the nuances of what to expect from our relationship now, compared to when they were living under our roof, is the final area I’d like to discuss. Our kids are no longer kids; they are full-fledged adults with spouses and careers of their own. The saying “your kids will always be your kids” is very true, yet a frame of reference for what to expect from our relationship would be helpful. How much time do my peers spend with their children? How often do they talk to their kids now? How involved are they with their daily lives? These are areas where there is no right or wrong answer, yet a frame of reference for how they manage this time in their lives is beneficial. It’s not something I ask for advice on; rather, just observing their lives has been very helpful.

In any relationship with your children things are never perfectly in sync, and there have been more ups and downs than I thought possible. I just chalk that up to being human. That said, the qualities that my wife and I felt were imperative for a stable and fruitful family life still resonate today. They are unmitigated love and always attempting to be present in their lives. That is the only area where I haven’t needed a frame of reference to get it right! This is my attempt on providing a frame of reference for you. Good Luck!

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Life Lessons, People

Concerts-One of Life’s Greatest Experiences

In an age of ever-increasing political correctness and concern about saying or doing the wrong thing in public, going to a concert is one of the last bastions of unmitigated fun and freedom. No matter what genre of music you are listening to, concertgoers can “let their hair down” and go wild without any judgment from the outside world.

I recently attended a Red Hot Chili Peppers show. Their music isn’t for everyone because they are the quintessential rock band. For some people, it’s just not their “jam.” I’m inspired by their non-stop energy. From the moment they get on stage until the lights are turned on and the audience leaves for their cars, they take the audience on a non-stop adrenaline rush. I’m not just in awe of their songwriting prowess but also of their passion for their craft. Every detail is carefully laid out. We saw them on their last stop on their 2½-year tour. They played 28 shows in Europe, 69 in North America, 8 in Oceania, 5 in Asia, and 9 in South America, for a total of 119. One hundred nineteen nights of constant movement for a group of 60-year-old men is just unimaginable.

Here is a snippet of one of their songs:

RHCP in St. Louis

Then there are other concerts that hit a different chord. A group’s music touches the hearts of some people in the audience deeply. The Avett Brothers, a country-like folk band, are that group for me, and the song “Live and Die” is one of those songs.

Here is that song in concert:

My heart just soars when I hear this song on the radio. It’s so romantic, and it touches me deeply. Although if I hadn’t heard that song in person, it wouldn’t have had the same impact. They are so different from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but both are amazing to see live.

That’s what makes concerts so much fun! It’s the interpersonal relationship between the band and their fans is something that is indescribable unless you experience it in person.

From social media sites to being constantly connected to our cell phones, we are continually bombarded with empty noise. It’s so hard to find a place of utter joy and unabashed peace. I know it can be hard to believe that a loud, banging concert can be a peaceful place to escape the noise of the world. Well, it is for millions of people. Just try it…

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Nature

The Best Book Light

Have you ever read something outside using the sun’s rays as your illuminator?

If you can find a spot where the sun hits the pages of your reading material from behind your shoulder, it’s just perfect. There’s no need for a lamp, sunglasses, or anything else. The light is the perfect color and intensity, which is calming to your eyes and your whole being. Try it sometime.

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Life Lessons, People

The Clock is Always Ticking

I went back and started reading some of the titles of my previous blog posts, and I noticed some common themes. They often discuss the importance of slowing down, appreciating the present, and finding joy in the little things in life. However, this particular blog post is a little different. As I’ve grown older, I’ve found that the sound of the clock ticking has become louder in my head. It seems that many of my male friends who are in similar stages of life also experience this phenomenon. On the other hand, most of the women in my life don’t seem to be as affected by the ticking of the clock. Perhaps they are more grounded and able to appreciate the present moment. This is just an observation and I can’t say for certain why this is the case but it sure appears that way.

Before I continue, I should probably clarify what I mean by “the clock is always ticking.” Staying present in the moment has been a lifelong challenge for me, which I’ve discussed in the past. However, when I say “the clock is always ticking,” I mean that time is passing by rapidly. The sound of the ticking clock in my head grows louder, urging me to seize opportunities that may not be available to me 10 or 15 years from now. I realize that may seem like a long time, but as time seems to accelerate, it will arrive sooner than we expect. This constant reminder is difficult to control, but it propels me to pursue my passions and engage in activities that my body still allows me to do today. Whether it’s keeping up with my boys on the golf course, jumping on the trampoline with my grandkids, participating in a boxing class with my wife, or making the perfect fly fishing cast while crossing a fast-running stream, these experiences serve as reminders that time is always ticking away.

There is a delicate balance between filling every moment of our lives and creating chaos. As I’ve mentioned before, finding that balance can be challenging for some individuals, including myself. While I wish I could do a better job at it, I never apologize or feel embarrassed for wanting to spend most of my waking hours doing things I love. In fact, it brings vibrancy and happiness into my life and spreads positive energy to my friends and family. I consider it one of my best qualities, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the happiness of others. That’s the tricky part—finding the right balance. Am I being too self-serving? What is the appropriate equilibrium? I don’t believe I will ever completely master this in my remaining days on Earth.

Well, most of my readers are younger than me, so I want to make sure this message resonates with people of all ages. I can sum up my point in two words: don’t wait! Don’t miss out on any golden opportunities. There are things in my life that I passed up on, and I deeply regret them now. So, my advice is simple: don’t wait, because that voice in your head urging you to take action will only grow louder with each passing day.

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Life Lessons, Nature

Those “F…ING” Stairs!

There is a lakeside park near my house that features a series of staircases varying in length. These staircases wind their way through a path adorned with hills and trees, leading straight up a steep incline. There are more than 200 steps that ascend that formidable hill. The scenery is breathtaking, and the climb can be deeply fulfilling. However, it also forces you to confront your innermost fears and insecurities.

I have always had a strong passion for exercise. When I go without exercising for an extended period, I become cranky and irritable. Exercise has a calming effect on my mind, as it helps to slow down the constant racing of thoughts. This is particularly significant because even during the most serene moments, it is challenging for my mind to achieve a state of peace.

Yet, the steps are a different type of exercise. They are hard, no that is an understatement. They are so “F….ING” hard! Yea, that’s better.

I ask myself every time before I start going up and down the steps: are they too challenging? Should I do something easier? Am I getting too old or am I going to hurt myself by doing them? For now, the answer is always yes, I can do the steps.

How Hard Should I Push Myself?

Wow, this simple question encompasses so many aspects of one’s personality, including my own. How much is “enough”? I often find myself questioning whether I should push myself to the point of exhaustion by going up and down the stairs repeatedly, or if I should simply do enough to feel accomplished. Am I only considered successful if I surpass the person next to me in terms of repetitions? Should I take breaks after each climb? Why is it that some people can ascend or descend the stairs much faster than I can? Would I perform better if I were thinner? It’s interesting that at the age of 63, I still find myself pondering over these thoughts. When will I finally reach a point where I am satisfied with what I have accomplished? When can I genuinely say that it is enough?

It’s maddening to me that a simple set of stairs can stir up so many insecurities in me. You would think that by now, I would just be grateful that I can climb them. But no, it’s the competitive side in me that keeps pushing me forward. I’m never completely happy with the current situation. That part of my DNA has certainly helped me in many aspects of my life. Unfortunately, it also inhibits me from being content and satisfied with the present. It’s a constant battle.

Revisiting a post I published in May of last year titled, “What Makes Something a Living Thing?”

I wrote about whether inanimate objects, like stones, can be considered alive in some way? This thought frequently crosses my mind as I ascend and descend the steps. The steps are unyielding, yet oddly accommodating. They present a constant challenge, utilizing gravity to test my inner determination to persevere. However, descending the steps is a delightful experience, as if they provide me with a moment to observe and appreciate the sights and smells of the surrounding forest. During those fleeting minutes, they grant me inner tranquility before I embark on the climb once more.

It’s a Love Hate Relationship

I love doing the stairs, especially after completing the workout! It usually takes me about 50 minutes to go up and down the stairs 7 times. There was a time when I used to do 10 cycles of the steps three days a week, but that was a while ago. Now, I usually do it twice a week, and that feels like enough. Do you have any workout routines that you have a love-hate relationship with?

If you click the link below, it will take you to an inspiring story about a woman whose relationship with those “FU…ING” stairs is smiliar to mine.

https://www.ksdk.com/embeds/video/responsive/63-d9788837-8bd1-41ba-b929-46e34f2716b0/iframe

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People

Is The “American Dream” Still Alive? Ask Herman

I know that our country has many deep-rooted problems that, in many ways, are the severest that I have seen over my 60 or so years living in America. However, to others, the “American Dream” is still a real thing which they can turn from just a dream into reality. This is the story of one of those people.

But first a little history lesson before I tell you Herman’s story. After WWII, there was a huge influx of immigrants from all over the world coming to America to start a better life. It was assumed that as long as you were willing to work hard, it didn’t matter how much money you had or the level of education you had achieved – the “American Dream” could become a reality. However, immigrating into the United States today isn’t like it was in the 1950s. We found out that it is really hard to do. Moving fast forward to today, opportunities for immigrants or any people with little means to achieve the “American dream” has become just that – an unrealistic fantasy. However, with lots of hard work, perseverance, and a little luck, for some, it can still come true.

Back in 2016, my wife, the co-founder of a not-for-profit organization, needed some web design and overall technology help. She has always been a very inclusive person and read resumes from people all over the globe without discrimination. She simply chose the one that seemed most qualified after corresponding with them, and then they could work remotely, regardless of where they lived.

One of the respondents that my wife really liked was a man named Herman, who lived in a small rural town in Uganda called Lugazi. Lugazi, Uganda? Yes, Lugazi, Uganda.

They began a dialogue on the things that she needed help with, and Herman from Uganda had all of the answers. Unbeknownst to my wife at the time, Herman had to walk outside his mother’s home and stand in the middle of a dirt road to make the high speed connection reception possible.

As time went on, Herman became an integral part of the organization and expressed his interest in visiting the United States. In fact, he shared with my wife that it had always been a dream of his, as well as many other people in his country, to visit the US. He believed that the opportunities available in America far outweighed his chances for advancement in his home country.

My wife and Herman started devising a plan to bring Herman to the United States. Herman had already searched the Catholic Volunteer Network for a one-year faith-based volunteer opportunity and found an opening in Cincinnati, Ohio, that lasted for 12 months. He applied and received a B1/B2 visa, which allows foreigners to stay in America for activities such as tourism, visiting family members, and volunteering at not-for-profit organizations. However, there was one catch: Herman had never flown on a plane or left his hometown, let alone the country. Pretty scary stuff.

My wife told me about Herman and wanted to help him come to America so we arranged to buy him a plane ticket that would send him from Uganda, to Ethiopia, to Dublin, to Chicago and then finally to Cincinnati. It took him 26 hours. Quite a first time trip!

The day he was leaving from home, we told him that everything was in order and advised him to arrive at the airport plenty early because you never know what things could happen that could potentially hinder him from boarding the plane. Fortunately, he followed our advice because, since he was returning on a different airline, Ethiopian Airlines detained him as he couldn’t provide proof of booking a return flight. Luckily, just before they were going to close the doors without him, he found an email from me that showed his returning flight. As a result, they allowed him to board the plane.

Several months later, I’ll never forget my first impression the first time we met during the Thanksgiving holiday in St. Louis, Missouri. There was a rather shy and humble, intelligent man who had made the bold decision to fly halfway around the world in an attempt to improve his life and be a part of something that improved other people’s lives too. On the night of his arrival, we took him to an Italian restaurant where he shared stories about the stark contrast between our lives here and what he was accustomed to back home. It was so enlightening to get a glimpse of how different our daily lives were, yet we could connect and become friends in such a short amount of time.

The first place he lived in Cincinnati was with a group of volunteers who were also part of some international volunteer programs and began to get acclimated to his new surroundings. He thoroughly enjoyed his work there, but there was one obstacle: the program was only for a year. Despite this, Herman was determined to make America his permanent home and never return permanently to Uganda. However, as we soon discovered, achieving this was far from easy.

There were numerous hurdles that Herman had to overcome to stay in America, too many to list. The first one was probably the most harrowing. After Herman expressed his desire to stay in America, we discovered that the only viable option was for him to enroll in a university. Since he had always dreamed of getting a college degree, it was a perfect fit. However, before he could do that, he had to complete his internship program by flying out of the country and obtaining the necessary approval from the United States embassy in Uganda for his educational visa, allowing him to return to the US. Fortunately, this process went smoothly, and Herman successfully enrolled in a small community college in Cincinnati, with a focus on completing some computer science courses and then transferring to a small university in Cincinnati to pursue a degree in software engineering. We learned that as long as Herman remained enrolled in school, he would be able to stay in the country.

Even though we covered his tuition fees, Herman still had to find a way to finance his room and board expenses. To this day, we aren’t sure are not sure exactly how he managed to do it, but he did. He lived with a host family for a couple of years and also started working on campus. Unfortunately, due to his status as a foreign student, he was not permitted to seek employment off-campus. I’m not sure why this restriction exists, but it is indeed the law. How dumb is that?

Everything was going well in school, but in his eyes, his greatest achievement came in 2021 when Herman successfully passed his driver’s license test and was gifted an 2009 Chevy Saturn. He was incredibly thrilled and had never even considered the idea of owning a car before, as nobody in his family back in Uganda had ever owned one.

He began to excel in school and set a goal to graduate in 2023. However, some of the required classes for his degree were only offered once a year, which extended his graduation date by two semesters. This also meant that his graduation timeline would be prolonged by a year, but we had only agreed to cover his tuition for four years. We informed him that he would need to find a way to finance his final year of education. And guess what? He did. The US government offered a program for non-US citizens that allowed them to work off-campus in economic hardship situations. Herman needed us to provide a letter confirming that we would cover his tuition if he was unable to find a job, which he then submitted along with his application. To our delight, the government approved his application! Herman was now able to complete his degree by the spring of 2024.

That brings us to the present day. Just a few weeks ago, Herman graduated with a bachelor’s degree in a computer science related major. What an accomplishment. He didn’t have time to celebrate because he needed a job right away and wasted no time in applying to a marketing company. This particular company was in need of a software engineer to ensure the smooth operation of their website. In addition to his resume, they requested a referral from someone who could vouch for Herman’s abilities. Luckily, this was a simple task as my wife promptly picked up the phone and gave him a glowing recommendation, emphasizing what an incredible individual they had the chance to hire.

What a remarkable journey Herman has had in the past 8 years. He went from being a stranger who expressed interest in volunteering for an organization in St. Louis, Missouri, through contact with a woman he had never met, to someone who now has the chance for a full-time technology job in America. Herman was hired as a three-month intern, with a high probability of a permanent position. Herman’s quest to obtain permanent residency is far from over, but getting a permanent job in the US would be a tremendous step forward. I’m confident that whatever Herman puts his mind to, he will get it done.

There are many other heartwarming stories I could share about Herman, like his budding love of photography or his passion to dance, but this post has already become quite lengthy. However, I would like to leave you with one important thought: perseverance and hard work can still lead to the realization of someone’s hopes and dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem. Herman’s journey is a testament to the fact that the American Dream is still very much alive. You just have to put your head down and go for it.

Herman, thanks for reminding us of that and congratulations. We can’t wait to see the next chapter unfold in your amazing journey!

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