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In one of my favorite Disney movies, The Lion King, the story illustrates the “changing of the guard.” In other words, it portrays the moment when one generation must let go and allow the next generation of parents to take over. The film’s most popular song, titled “The Circle of Life,” resonates with me deeply when discussing parenthood. It prompts reflection on our own journeys in life and the roles parents play in them. While there are countless relationships intertwined in our lives, I believe the parent-child relationship is the most significant and fluid, especially when your kids are all grown up and living their own lives.

I took for granted that I grew up in a house with two parents living under the same roof. Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, and that doesn’t even account for single households where the parents were never married, more than half of the kids in America grow up in single-parent families. This situation can be quite burdensome, especially considering that the single parent has to work, manage all household chores, and strive to be present in their children’s lives. It was hard enough with two parents; I can’t imagine handling all of that alone. Nevertheless, kids are incredibly resilient, and most of them figure out the dynamics of their relationships with their parents and move forward. They have no choice.

I find myself rambling a bit because when I think of the word “parent,” I could write about it forever. My desire to write on this topic comes from various angles. The most obvious one is that I have now been a parent for more than half of my life. That fact is unfathomable to me, yet it’s true. I feel fortunate to still have a parent living, which adds a whole new layer of meaning to the word “parent.”

This brings me back to the idea of the Circle of Life. My mom is 84, and now I’m in the position of parenting and helping taking care of her instead of her taking care of me. She is still lucid but requires guidance and a different kind of parenting that I’m not used to providing. It’s still a work in progress.

The parenting journey consists of many phases. It begins with feeling completely unprepared and fearing that you might cause permanent damage to your child if you make a mistake. Many new parents believe this is the hardest phase and that things will get easier as their kids grow older. “Ha”—that’s a misconception! The time commitment and the challenges that confront a parent become more complex as children age. Their actions begin to carry significant consequences, especially as they enter middle school and beyond. Everything keeps getting more serious.

On the brighter side, the triumphs and joys also grow larger and more fulfilling. This positive aspect often goes unmentioned to new parents, as most of them are simply trying to keep their heads above water. Just be patient the good times just get better and better!

I have previously written about the qualities needed to be a great parent, so I won’t spend much time on that topic here. Just as a quick refresher: be present, show support, and give unconditional love. However, what I haven’t addressed is the transition from being in charge of your children to treating your adult kids as individuals with their own lives, separate from your own.

It’s challenging to let go and refrain from commenting when observing your kids’ adult lives. I often feel the urge to share my opinions on various issues, convinced that I have the right answers. But I remind myself that they are now grown “ass” adults who make their own decisions, whether good or bad.

I believe it’s harder today for older parents to hold their tongues because electronics and technology keep us more connected to our adult children more than ever before. It’s so easy to text, call, or track their whereabouts now compared to just ten years ago. No wonder we, as parents, often think our kids want us to influence the direction of their lives much more than they actually do. Ultimately, they are adults and don’t need a senior citizen offering unsolicited advice on every subject.

I continue to try to bridge the gap from being a parent to becoming more of a peer, where my kids can give me advice and I can take theirs. What a novel idea that is! The roles are now slowly reversing, and I’m sure this shift will accelerate, just as it has between my mom and myself. The circle of life will be complete when I’m no longer on this earth, and my kids eventually have to navigate the relationships with their own adult children. I hope to be around to catch a glimpse of that because it will surely be great theater. What comes around goes around!

No matter what kind of upbringing a child has, thoughts and memories of their parents leave an indelible mark on their life. The only exception might be a child who has no parents at all, a child orphaned for one reason or another. What a hard road that must be! In fact, I can’t think of a harder one. I know something about that; my dad was an orphan.
Looking back now, I realize I should have given him a little more slack when I questioned some of the things he said to me as I was becoming an adult. I understand now that he was doing the best he could with limited guidance and information. If he were alive today, I would tell him that I forgive him for his shortcomings and that I think he did an amazing job, given what he had to deal with as a child.

Thanks, Dad. I love you so much.