A friend of mine the other day asked me, “Can we as parents teach our kids to have the drive to succeed?” I told him that was a good question and then went on to give him my answer. Here it is in a nutshell.

2016 began my 33rd year in the working world. I have seen many people come and go who have worked around me over a third of a century. I have mentored, encouraged, trained, and unforuntaley fired some co-workers over the years. Some of my protégées have gone on to have great success. Early in my career I thought I had the ability to choose which job candidates would achieve superstar status. With my experience I thought, I could give them the tools to be leaders in my industry. Alas, I was mistaken because the one key ingredient I can’t teach is drive. You either have it or you don’t.

Drive to me is that internal engine in some of us that never stops. It’s the ticking clock that keeps moving some individuals ever forward at a frenetic pace. It’s unusual to cross paths with people who are exceedingly driven. When I do though I can tell right away. They have a look in their eyes that is unmistakable.

Parents as a rule obviously want their kids to be happy successful adults. However, in a more and more competitive landscape we tend to push our kids to be the best they can be every waking moment of the day. It can get very frustrating when their kids don’t go “the extra mile” to complete a homework assignment, an art project, or their resume.

Fortunately or unfortunately our kids are no different than other people that we come across daily. Some of them are really driven and some of them just aren’t. It doesn’t make them bad people or failures they just don’t have it in them to be very driven to succeed. Once the parent accepts their kids for who they are and understand that each of them will have to travel down their own path to adulthood, the sooner they will have a more fulfilling and enjoyable the relationship with each of their children.

Just remember one thing, you can’t teach them the drive to succeed.